Confessions of a Spiritual Refugee

Somehow, I  managed to survive and actually recover from my Catholic and cultural conditioning and, although my clothes have been ripped off and I live like a naked spiritual refugee, I can safely say that having the lies torn from my bleeding flesh is far better than living with them.  That’s because the stupidest butterfly is eons ahead of the smartest caterpillar. Even a retarded butterfly knows how to fly and even a spiritual outcast like myself knows how to cultivate Life under all conditions.

That’s because when all the minor conditions have been incinerated, only the major Condition remains.

The minor conditions are the objects of perception, thoughts and ideas about body, mind and self. The major Condition, the Condition of all conditions, is That Which is Aware of all conditions, perceptions and objects.

To the Condition, conditions appear and disappear, but it is not changed, like a mirror that is not changed by what it reflects, or a screen that is not affected by the images appearing on it.

The shift from identifying with an image to identifying with the screen is bloody, chaotic, confusing and destructive of all false narratives. It is hot and painful and the dungeons full of rotting monsters and demons fling their gates wide open. I found myself feeding the hungry demons and finding places for the monsters to sleep. Some of them became my friends and allies after I pulled their broken teeth and stitched up the gashes in their flesh. Others moved on to other lands and I hear they tell tall tales of some dude who actually loved them and cared about them, which no one could believe.

My point is this: painful, ugly truth is much better than beautiful lies.

You have been lied to and worse, much worse, you believed them. You didn’t know any better. If your mother gives you a glass of milk, you drink it without question because it comes from a trusted source. The problem for us humans is that we trust sources that don’t deserve it.

For example, how do you know that you were born into Original Sin? Because the Bible says so and you trust the Bible.

How do you know that viruses cause disease? Because you trust the scientists and doctors who say so.

But, do you know for sure? Is there a test that we can do to determine if indeed we were born in Sin? Is there a test to prove that the presence of a microbe in the body of a sick person caused the disease? Does correlation prove causation? No. Nor does assumption equal proof. 

The way to live an authentic life that is free from the swarms of bats that constantly fly into your heart and soul is to become the Sky, to see that you have always been the Sky, you just thought you were a bat.

The water in a pitcher thinks its a pitcher. The water in a bucket thinks its a bucket. No, it’s still water, no matter what the shape.

Water can be liquid, solid or gaseous but it’s always H2O. 

You can be Tom, Nancy or Fido the fucking dog, but it’s always Awareness.

Awareness is infinite, without dimension, not located in space or time.

You are that. The proof is that Awareness is always your first experience and that only it can enable perception. No awareness, no perception. No perception, no experience. No experience, no Now.

Awareness and Now are identical. The proof is that wherever you go its always Here and no matter what time it is, it’s always Now.

You can’t get away from yourself. You’re always Here and Now.

This means that you are bigger than and prior to all phenomena, states, conditions and perceptions, all ideas, images, beliefs, and thoughts.

You can’t achieve this, you are this. The religions want you to seek this because they know you will never find it. You can’t find it because it’s not lost. It’s not lost because it’s the only Reality that Exists.

Yes, only Awareness exists and you’re it. Every so- called other shares your infinite being. You are like an infinite Ocean in which everything floats and swims. You are not born and you do not die. The playful forms and organisms are born and die, but the Radiant Living Awareness that circulates between their cycles of birth and death, doesn’t. 

You will not end when your body ends. You will see then and you can also see now, that this is true. Awareness is true, absolutely true, the Screen upon which all phenomena appear.

So relax and enjoy the show. After all, you wrote it, directed it, starred in it. You also built the theater and the audience in the Auditorium of the Heart.

The practical take away is this: every idea you ever had about yourself is wrong because you are not an idea, a thing. You are the Awareness of the idea.

When this becomes obvious to you, the cultural and religious conditioning starts to crack and melt. It’s the chrysalis and you’re the butterfly. The butterfly has to struggle through a tiny hole to get out of the chrysalis. It takes hours. As she squeezes through the pinhole, her wet body is cleaned and dried. If you try to help her and widen the hole with your pocket knife, she will get out faster, but she will die because the water that was not squeezed out is too heavy for her delicate body to carry.

Think about that the next time your petty preference are not met or you find yourself in a swamp at midnight. It is this kind of adversity and the courage it takes to face it that produces butterflies and mature adults.

As our precious human family enters the next gruesome phase of medical techno-fascism and the rise of the bio-security state, you can be sure that the only ones who survive will be the ones who comprehended and transcended the false narratives that have been stuffed down our throats and up our asses for millennia..

We colluded with them and went along with their bullshit. Those days are over.

With love,


Marblemount, WA, USA

e-mail address shelter@nwlink.com

cell phone 360-393-5663

Robert Cinque

In addition to writing essays like these, Robert Cinque also builds beautiful, affordable and comfortable yurts for homeowners and businesses in the fabulous Skagit County. Throughout the past three decades, his work has included building and installing wood art at local landmarks like the Cascadian Farm Organic Fruitstand in Rockport (WA), the Birdsview Brewery at the foot at “the American Alps” in the Pacific Northwest’s Skagit Valley, and many others. He has worked with visionary architect and organic designer Sunray Kelley for over 20 years on many beautiful projects. Together, they formed Radiant Homes and are actively engaged in the development of the Living Home, the Bioshelter, the no-mortgage, no-permit, food and energy producing home. Their work has been featured on National Geographic, MTV, Better Homes and Gardens, and represents the Greening of Architecture, a movement they consider to be the most important development since the Industrial Revolution. He says: These essays are about “dungeons of mind, the root of suffering, true sanctuary, and the glorious imperative to live intimately with That Which Is Alive As All Things. They are painful, bloody and hard-hitting (the “truth will set you free, but it will piss you off first”). They are designed to destroy what’s false and cultivate what’s real. They are not merely my opinions or philosophy; they are field reports from the underground where the Lie was deconstructed. They are wrecking balls, cosmic insults to vanity and arrogance, bulldozers and firebombs that burn out the tangled underbrush. They are intended to water the Seeds of Life buried under mountains and centuries of false beliefs, inherited “culture” and ego cults, so-called “religions”, including scientism, masquerading as truth. Idols are routinely lampooned and sacred cows are turned into hamburger as quickly as possible. I really don’t mean to offend any one personally. I’m not after them. I’m after the beliefs that are harming them: the Big Lie, the belief in separation from Love and Truth that strangles the heart and creates terrible, unbearable suffering. I love to help create Sanctuary and Shelter. I am a green builder and enjoy showing others how to build a no-mortgage, no-permit bio-shelters that also provide food and energy. shelter@nwlink.com cell 360-393-5663

6 thoughts on “Confessions of a Spiritual Refugee

  • markfarrar

    king Bob v , I salute thee !
    authentic , sovereign , tough Love .

    • Mark, It’s interesting that you use the word King. My name Roberto Giovanni Cinque means Son of the King, a Man through whom God is Gracious, Power.
      The Pentagon in DC is a pentagon for a specific reason. Its valuable to do an inspection of the root words of ones name. The most valuable thing though is to walk our identity back to the clear Presence of Awareness, which is not limited by any object or condition. This is the real meaning of the Prodigal Son. After exhausting himself in the pursuit of happiness through objects, relationships, substances he returns to the Father (Awareness) who greets him with open arms. Nourished and brought back to health by the love of the Father, he can now venture back out into the world as an emissary of his Fathers Kingdom

      • Joe Roberts

        Yes! That is exactly how it is!

          • Joe Roberts

            I do appreciate that. At present I’m in study mode pertaining to Common Law and how to properly deal with our rogue employees. Down the road I may take you up on that offer. Though I would most likely stay away from writing about consciousness related topics. I meant what I said. There is nothing I could add that you don’t already have covered in spades. I’m not being humble or self deprecating either. It’s the damn truth! And as I said, you state it more coherently than I could. I’m not a writer and the desire to do so is just not there at present. I come here to read and absorb the awesome vibes and wisdom of your teachings.

  • Joe Roberts

    I wanted to add something else that I forgot and that is just plain old heart felt gratitude. Your essays got me re-centered again. I was starting to get ugly, frustrated and mean inside. Discouraged by the level of the so-called collective consciousness. The sleeping masses. I was starting to really resent them. I was getting on an ego trip. So, thank you for putting a spiritual boot up my ass. Lord knows I needed it!


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