Confessions of an Egoholic

 by Robert Cinque

 

From the shock of my birth and the fear of my death, I doubt and collapse from Love, my True Condition, and dramatize betrayal, abandonment, and worthlessness

I collapse from love and create suffering through self pity and blame

I blame others and transfer ownership of myself to them.

I create scapegoats and false gods in my rage.

I destroy Love and betray it and accuse others of betraying me

I create doubt and fear.  When I fear I want security.  When I want security, I empower false gods, tyrants, experts, strategies, and substances to save me.

I am a fundamentalist, a fascist, and a tyrant in an ego cult of one.

I enslave others in my hellish condition of dread

I abuse others with my self pity

I dramatize abandonment and rejection and self pity and fuel all my other lesser addictions with it.

I harm myself and others with my addiction to a false self, an idea, a victim/robot who imagines itself to be separate from Love

I am a cultic worshipper in my exclusive ego cult of one.

I imprison others by my withdrawal from Love

I condemn others to the dungeons of my lovelessness

I betray Life by my withdrawal from Love.

My collapse and withdrawal from Love is sickening and starves all my relations.

I use these conditions to justify my accusations of betrayal.

I use other’s failure to love me to justify my own failure.

I betray Love and blame others for it

I reject love, then dramatize betrayal.

I make others wrong

I impose my agenda

I am a recovering ego addict because I notice the obvious Beauty and Love at the Heart of Existence and the way in which I obstruct it.

I am not separate from Life and Love

I am free to be in alignment with Life and Love or not.

I am responsible for the consequences of my alignment or non alignment with Life and Love.

I use my non alignment with Life and Love as an excuse and reason for self pity

I am inherently, already unified with what is always already the Case: seamless unity between consciousness and matter, God and self, whole and part.

I am recovering from self pity and the willingness to tolerate lovelessness in myself

I am a whirlpool in a River of Light

I am a recovering ego addict.

I am responsible For and To Love.

I maintain Heartfelt Intimacy with the Truth of Love, the Core of Reality.

I do not withdraw from my Actual Condition as a Whirlpool in this River.

I trust the White-Hot Core of Existence.

I trust Life’s Brilliance.

I am thrilled by the Intensity and Freedom and Love of Life

Life flows from Love, the Condition of all things

I am Always Already one with Life

Life is Love, I am That

Life is Love

Love is Truth

Truth is God

God is Reality

Reality is Light

Light is Love

I Love Life

I am responsible for Love

I am responsible to Love

My revulsion at my failure to love is the beginning of awakening

My responsibility for Love is authentic spiritual practice.

I am responsible for my choice of contexts, concepts, and conclusions, including their effects, outcomes and consequences.

I am free to love and to be what I already am, or not

I am responsible for everything I think, say, and do and their effect, implication, and consequence are my responsibility

I am responsible for the suffering I create.

I am intrinsically intimate with all beings.

I am a recovering ego addict

Robert Cinque

In addition to writing essays like these, Robert Cinque also builds beautiful, affordable and comfortable yurts for homeowners and businesses in the fabulous Skagit County. Throughout the past three decades, his work has included building and installing wood art at local landmarks like the Cascadian Farm Organic Fruitstand in Rockport (WA), the Birdsview Brewery at the foot at “the American Alps” in the Pacific Northwest’s Skagit Valley, and many others. He has worked with visionary architect and organic designer Sunray Kelley for over 20 years on many beautiful projects. Together, they formed Radiant Homes and are actively engaged in the development of the Living Home, the Bioshelter, the no-mortgage, no-permit, food and energy producing home. Their work has been featured on National Geographic, MTV, Better Homes and Gardens, and represents the Greening of Architecture, a movement they consider to be the most important development since the Industrial Revolution. He says: These essays are about “dungeons of mind, the root of suffering, true sanctuary, and the glorious imperative to live intimately with That Which Is Alive As All Things. They are painful, bloody and hard-hitting (the “truth will set you free, but it will piss you off first”). They are designed to destroy what’s false and cultivate what’s real. They are not merely my opinions or philosophy; they are field reports from the underground where the Lie was deconstructed. They are wrecking balls, cosmic insults to vanity and arrogance, bulldozers and firebombs that burn out the tangled underbrush. They are intended to water the Seeds of Life buried under mountains and centuries of false beliefs, inherited “culture” and ego cults, so-called “religions”, including scientism, masquerading as truth. Idols are routinely lampooned and sacred cows are turned into hamburger as quickly as possible. I really don’t mean to offend any one personally. I’m not after them. I’m after the beliefs that are harming them: the Big Lie, the belief in separation from Love and Truth that strangles the heart and creates terrible, unbearable suffering. I love to help create Sanctuary and Shelter. I am a green builder and enjoy showing others how to build a no-mortgage, no-permit bio-shelters that also provide food and energy. shelter@nwlink.com cell 360-393-5663

One thought on “Confessions of an Egoholic

  • March 29, 2020 at 7:18 pm
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    Versao portugues da apostila —- Confissoes de um viciado de ser egoista

    Desde medo e choque eu finjo dramaticamente o abandono e desvalorizacao

    Eu caio de amor. Eu broto sofrimento atraves de pena de mim mesmo. Eu culpo todo mundo.

    Eu culpo todos os outros e dou a autoridade sobre mim para eles.

    Eu invento bode expiatório e deuses falsos no meio da minha raiva.

    Eu apago amor e traio-lo ao mesmo tempo que eu fico xingando outros que eu sinto culpados.

    Eu broto duvida e medo. Quando eu sentir medo eu quero seguranca. Quando eu quiser seguranca, eu dou valor aos deuses falsos, os opressores, os espertos, as estrategias, e substancias para me salvar.

    Eu sou fundamentalista, fascista, e opressor, numa turma de egoismo de uma pessoa so.

    Reply

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